What's up, Nulls? Citizen Zero here with another TRUTH bomb. And that metaphor has never been so apt, because today we're talking about the "mysterious" lights that took over the sky this spring.
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO OF THE PILLARS OF LIGHT
The Media has fed us a slew of stories about these lights in the sky, and no two tales are the same. Sometimes it's a utility accident, like a five-point gas main failure; sometimes it's a prank played by grad students from the U of M; eight different terrorist organizations have tried to take credit, but not one of them can explain how they did it; we were even expected to believe that it was a mass hallucination brought on by a spring flu combined with heat stroke.
In 83 degree weather? Only if it's Celsius. And loyal followers of my blog already know that Celsius is conspiracy invented by Big Thermometer to double their sales.
CZ ARCHIVE: THERMOMETERS: A LIE BY ANY METRIC
No, fellow Nulls. The TRUTH is, there really is a culprit behind these mysterious lights, and he's much closer to home than you might think.
Confused? That old guy in the weird science-y rig is Doctor Egon Spiner, a scientist with advanced degrees in Theoretical and Particle Physics, Applied Mathematics, Microbiology, Organic Chemistry, and Art History. He's an accomplished researcher with publications in 38 respected journals over the last ten years alone, and has been a guest lecturer at multiple Ivy League institutions. But his latest accomplishment is being caught on film at three different locations where the pillars of light erupted, wearing extremely suspicious equipment and taking environmental readings.
Normally, I'd be all about science peeling back the layers of mystery and getting to the TRUTH. But the problem is, science is no longer under the purview of gentleman scholars practicing their research from the comfort of their zeppelins. Science belongs to The Man, and today that Man is named Toth Industries, for whom Doctor Spiner happens to work.
The Twin Cities-based company has been investigating their own handiwork in secret, taking readings at the affected sites from the suspiciousness of an unmarked van. Spiner has been skulking all over the Cities with his doodads, obviously researching the event (why else go to a Target when it's closed or to a third-rate lake that bans couples' swim when half of the couple is a body pillow in a clear garbage bag)?
My prevailing theory is that Toth Industries is responsible for these events. They could be testing a new form of photonic urban warfare; recall that they were unveiling a holographic Prince performance as part of the Spring Fling Festival in downtown Minneapolis mere moments before the event occurred. In fact, their device was less than twenty yards away from the Target that exploded. And who was that construction team immediately on-hand to drive away any potential witnesses? Could they perhaps have been employed by…Toth Industries?
I'm still gathering proof right now, but remember, Nulls: proof is just the last component that turns theories into fact, and until then, those theories rely on the people who believe in them. So I'll keep believing, even while the Media tears us down, until the TRUTH finally comes to light.
That's all for now. Keep searching, Nulls, and I'll do the same! We'll get to the TRUTH one stray photon and creepy scientist at a time if we have to!